The Doctor is Out
Well, it’s time to visit our next person for Mom clues. I will consult the quest list and find out that it is none other than Hippokrates himself. Doctor of Doctors. This guy is chillin’ over in Argolis, which doesn’t sound like a place I’ve visited. Yes, there are still vast quantities of map I haven’t even uncovered yet, as I might have mentioned before. It is right nearby where I already am, so I’m going to take some time now to complete some more locations. I find another tomb! Agamemnon’s tomb. There is nothing at all exciting in here except for snakes, so we’ll just complete the location and see Hippokrates.
JK! I go to Hippokrates clinic and all I find there is his assistant. Soso…that is not his name. I forget what his name is because I did this the other day, but I know it begins with So and probably ends with ates, but it’s definitely not Soktrates. I will update you when I meet this guy again. Also there is a priestess, Chrysis, who is demanding Hippokrates bow down and proclaim that his mad healing skillz came from the Gods and not science. We basically tell her to get lost. I’m sure she will come back to haunt us later.
In any case, Soso gives me directions and stuff to deliver to Hippokrates and tells me not to mention his bald spot, which I do anyway when I finally get there.
As for Hippokrates, he hasn’t the time for my mommy issues or discussion about his follicular insecurities. Also, why would he even remember Myrrine, he has a zillion patients anyway. I press him for info, but he has tasks for me to do before he can trust and talk. Fiiiiine. First and foremost is some commander stole his notes on brain disease and he needs it to help this dude that is dying on his table right now. He has stiffness of limbs and foaming of the mouth.
Sounds like Tetanus (at first I thought rabies, but we’re dealing and soldiers with possibly rusty swords not animal bites), but still I can’t give Hippokrates the deets, because I am Alexios, not actually gifted in future medical know how even though some future person is peeping through my blood memories. (Remember the premise of Assassin’s Creed? I know, I too forget until I get cut-scened into the future… We haven’t been back to the future in a long time though.)
Maps Are Hard, Okay?
I am off to do Hippokrates bidding, because I am all for actually helpful medicines and getting the info I need too. I am supposed to look for this fort in the north of Argolis, but I have looked all over the damn north and have yet to find a damn thing. Is it “north” in Argolis, but south of the city? WHERE IS IT. I am not turning on easy mode for you, Hippokrates.
**Several tens of minutes later** Please do not laugh, it is actually North of the Ancient Ruins of Perseus not Northern Argolis. This area is clearly labeled on the map, in readable English letters. Excuse while I go hide of shame.
So, I have to sneak into this place without killing anybody, because I made a promise to Hippokrates. An oath, if you will. I don’t sneak so much as I manage to get caught and then hide until the dudes stop looking for me. It is a minor miracle that I was able to get into a hiding space while still inside the fort. I go to meet the doctor there who is definitely amenable to helping me out. Like—why can’t I just send in Ikaros with a note for this dude to meet me outside or something. Because that would be easy.
Nothing is easy, especially when Fort Doctor tells me the notes have burned. He did memorize them and will come with me to Hippokrates to help out if I do him a solid and retrieve his bone forceps from some soldiers who keep stealing them for Gods knows what reasons. Whatever they are, they can’t possibly be sanitary. So, I do that, less than stealthily, making this quest so much very longer than it has to be, but I don’t kill anybody. Will this get me secret points to cash in at a later date? Probably not, I don’t think Assassin’s Creed has that much finesse re choices, but you never know when you’re going to need a doctor in the end game and he doesn’t show up because you pissed him off at some point previously. I mean, I already asked about his bald spot.
So, Fort Doctor and Hippokrates meet and this time the bad news is the patient has died because we were too slow. Was this quest on a secret timer? Because I spent an awful lot of time avoiding killing anybody, or does the guy always die? The world may never know. Anyway, Fort Doctor sticks around to transcribe what he remembers of the notes and help out.
Turns out Hippokrates does vividly remember my mom. He turned her away when she came to him for help with her depression and sent her to a sanctuary or something. He vowed to never turn away another person after that. So, now I have my next destination! Are we taking bets on whether or not that priestess I met earlier is at this sanctuary? Let’s find out!
Gods, Snakes, and Secrets
I am to head to the middle of the valley of dreams.
Why are there two targets here? Do I have to do tasks for multiple priests to get my info? Drat.
Well, the first guy is less than helpful. In fact he’s a jerk who won’t talk to me because he’s under orders not to talk to mercenaries about Spartan women and injured babies. How very specific. Obviously he’s got the deets. If I rid his sacred bath of snakes then he will talk to me after all, it turns out. I guess he’s not THAT loyal to whoever ordered him to keep his mouth shut.
First he regales me with stories of how the gods heal the sick, which are wild. The bath is a sacred cleansing and then god of healing, Asklepios will come to the patients. As for the snakes, there is a special snake house that they escaped from where people with mind sickness go. The snakes lick them with their tongues and it is like a kiss from the gods. The snakes have escaped their house.
I can’t kill the snakes either, because the priests need their kisses. I have to chill them with cold water so they go back to their own warm snake houses. That doesn’t sound right, but there are no Snake Discovery videos about how to safely rid an ancient Greek bathhouse of sacred God kissing snakes, so what do I know?
I find the pipe and wonder why this dude couldn’t have turned on the cold water his damn self. This guy is the worst, he doesn’t even tell me anything and walks around laughing like it’s all a big joke. I just get another guy to talk to.
A Tablet of Truth
The next priest who is carving records into stone is Timoxenos. He is very helpful and talkative despite orders. Turns out Chrysis is the priestess here and it was she who has put the fear of gods into everybody and told them not to talk to me, also, yes, she is the lady who was giving Hippokrates’s assistant an earful at the beginning of this chapter. What is her deal? Because I didn’t side with her when she was harassing Soso? Also, whoever bet that she would be here, you win!
Anyway, Tim over here, leads me to my mom’s stone. She came here wounded with a child and then went on her way. The child did not survive. I’m going to meet Tim later though, because we get caught and I have to pretend like I’m asking for directions.
Later, at the Olive tree, we get caught again. I have to defeat Chrysis’s thugs and Tim is nowhere to be found afterward. I hope he ran away! On to the next priest who is probably not going to help me, I guess.
He is battling some contagion which cannot be helped with the regular sacrifices or snake kisses. I offer to help him, because there are people suffering, for goodness sake. He thinks I want money and whatever nonsense Chrysis has been spewing, but if I bring him an alive white bull—maybe he’ll talk. I’m hoping he’s more of a Tim, less of a bathhouse dude whose name I don’t remember because eff that guy!
Let’s go safely trap a bull! *gets stun arrows ready*
I don’t need them, as it turns out, because bandits already killed the bull. Dammit. Uggghh, now the bull heart I bring back to the priest can only help one person and I have to choose. The farmer whose bull it was (he provides food to the area), a wealthy woman (with 2 kids), or the child (who wants to sacrifice herself for the others). Noooo. Well, I am going to choose the selfless child,
and then like—refer everybody else to Hippokrates, because he has actual medicines probably? Chrysis can go jump off a bridge. (PS. I can’t actually do that.)
The deed is done, the adults curse my name and vow revenge. And the priest refers me to the oldest man here for more info. I also learn that this old guy he speaks of cut out his own tongue and also I level up! Nice.
So, the guesthouse where oldie lives is guarded as hell, and I have to bully my way in there, but tbh I’ve had just about enough of Chrysis, so her thugs can be gone. When I finally meet the old man, he is hooking up with a slave. She speaks for him about how the baby was past saving, but eventually it comes out that Chrysis took the infant. (and gave her to the cult, obvies. Since Kassandra is all cult-brainwashed now and certainly alive.) Poor Myrrine thought both her babies were dead, but they were both not. Where the heck is she now?
It’s a Chrysis!
I still don’t know yet. I go seek Chrysis out at a baby saving altar and she tells me all her evil plans over this random screaming infant.
Ughhh, turns out this woman kidnapped my sister and abused her to “teach her how to be strong.” She wants more children from Myrrine, who must still be in hiding and tbh, I am double over her. Especially now that I know she’s hassling me, not because I sided with Soso, but because she’s a G-D Cultist.
She basically calls me a hypocrite because I’m an assassin myself with a body count too, and then she throws on a Molotov cocktail or some such at the baby. Okay, I may be an assassin, but at least I wouldn’t ever try to torch a baby. This isn’t the Sims. Geez. I save the baby from the fire of course and the kid’s mom thinks it’s all the God’s plan even if the baby had burned. Luckily God sent me and Chrysis can do no wrong. Gee, you’re welcome lady.
Well, the distraction worked. Chrysis has escaped, and I have to find her again. Alas, her quest-line is ended, so I guess I’m not meant to find her right away.
I need a break from all those revelations, so I’m going to do a character quest now. It is called “The Dunce conundrum” That sounds fun. (Probably not with my luck.) I have to go talk to a dude called Demokritos “The Laughing Philosopher” to unlock a mystery with some theorems. Cooool, sounds like my worst geometric nightmare, but off we go!
I run across a quest on the way to meet Demokritos. It is a woman wailing about suspicious bandits in a supposedly safe forest kidnapping her husband and her horse. I offer to help and as it turns out, it is a trap set by Chrysis, because she knew I would help.
Uhh…congrats, lady? On your plan to lure me out when I was already looking for you. Seriously, you didn’t have to kill a dude to face me, you could have just not run away the first time!
WTF. She is trying to get me to join her! ‘Yo, Alexios, sorry I broke your mother and kidnapped and abused your sister, but you should come work for me now!’ Forget that, I’m going to avenge my sister.
She calls some plain old footsoldiers to fight me and well—I may have hit her with a hasty and wildly aimed arrow or she might have been stabbed by her lackeys. Honestly, I cannot tell. Either way, I easily defeat the soldiers and return to Chrysis so I can vow to reunite my family before I put an end to her evil child abusing ways for good. I wonder if I have enough shards to upgrade my spear yet.
Theorems, Theorems, Everywhere, and also a Cyclops
Update: I do!
Also, is it just me or are there new things on spear island? There is a golden Q here now. Did I just miss a legendary creature all the times we came here? Let’s go check it out.
OK, it’s a literal ass cyclops. (Not a one eyed human gangster) Time to run the fuck away because this thing is ten levels above me still.
Should I visit the Laughing Philosopher? Sounds good to me! Bye, bye, Clops.
I fast travel to Demokritos and he tells me the tales of three theorems that will lead to great treasure, Zeno’s Paradox, the Pythagorean Theorem—no need to search for that one my dude it’s A² + B² = C². You’re welcome, and thank you, math class. The third one is the Golden Ratio. He says he will pay me for my help.
Of course I will find them, but I want the treasure man. Unless the treasure is more math, then you can have it. Will these three theorem’s combine together to create some sort of mega-theorem, a STEMzord if you will?
Judging by the name of the quest, I feel I’m going to come out of this looking foolish, but let’s find out!
The Zeno’s paradox is first, so let’s head on over there.
On my way there, I stumble across a bear den. “Salty” bear to be exact. He is big and white and I forgot I had my knockout arrows out for that bull, because now Salty is not defeated, he is my friend. Yay! I don’t keep him for long, because taming the bear completes the location as I found out with Lions McGee. So, I just let him go right where I found him and go on about my business. It takes me a while to find this paradox because it is in the very corner of the area I’m looking in.
There are a lot of incomplete locations here still, but I am off to find Pythagoris’s theorem for now. It is, of course, in the middle of a triangle of islands. I wander all around the area getting attacked by pirates, including one boat that gave me an achievement for defeating! I don’t know what that achievement was, but go me! Pythagoras’s theorem is in an underwater temple along with a cultist clue!
Next, the Golden ratio is super easily acquired in a sculptor’s studio. OF course. I learned about that one in art class I now realize. Ah, well, since I already have all the knowledge it’s time to head back to finish the quest. (Except for Zeno? Do I know that one? Maybe Demokritos will tell me when I show him all my scrolls.)
Okay, I’m going cheat and look this up because Demo here is asking me trivia questions about these concepts that I get to multiple choice answer and I’m assuming he’s assuming I already read it, so I might as well already read it.
I don’t know. Infinite divisibility sounds like the best of my options, but I read about Achilles and the Tortoise and am very confused. Why are we giving this reptile a head start anyway? Well, divisibility was the right answer to impress Demokritos, but I still don’t get it.
As for the Pythagorean theorem, according to Demokritos this is the greatest breakthrough of all time. Yeah! Triangles!
And the Golden ratio is in everything and everybody or nothing at all, making things mathematically right and beautiful in the world.
As it turns out Demokritos really is creating his own STEMzord mega-theory. Let’s see what it is. He postulates that as we break down things into infinitely divisible parts then there is more space between them. Huh, is he talking about like…atoms? quantum physics? Is he going to invent time travel or a shrink ray or be the father of the memory machine? (At this point, I wiki good old Demo who is a person that did indeed exist like many characters in this game. We are talking atoms! Yeah!)
He hopes to unite the world with this theory anyway. TBH this kind of science seems like it might do the opposite at this point in time, or maybe not and I’ve just been dealing with too many fanatically religious cultists lately. (Nope, I look this up too and nobody takes his atomic hypothesis seriously until the 19th damn century. I’m learning a lot on this quest.)
Ahah! He does have an ulterior motive though. He’s creating his STEMzord mega-theory to impress a girl. Of course he is. I am not one for wasting time, so I convince him to go see her now. Unfortunately there is a crapload of bandits at her house. No! Also, they are a good seven levels above me. Err—can I put this quest on hold after I convinced Demokritos to come here? I didn’t think I was going to need a save point before I accepted the next part of his nerd-quest! Will he just wait for me to grind? Let’s find out on the next installment of !Dakplays Assassin’s Creed!